February 2010

I ended the relationship with Mr. Wrong and decided to do some serious reflecting on myself and my participation in this never ending cycle of attracting the wrong men. I mean, I didn't plan to spend the month like a chapter in Eat, Pray, Love.. I think by purposely taking a break I could learn to focus on just me.

Instead of focusing on me I got caught up in some drama with a very good friend of mine. Let's call her Carol. Carol has been married for 25 years and has 2 grown children, we work together and have become very close in the past 5 years. Carol, like many of us, joined facebook and began reconnecting with old friends. Well, one of the old friends turned out to be an ex boyfriend from her college days who lived in another state. She described him as "the one true love that got away." They began an online, emotional affair. Carol and her husband are fairly religious as are most of their couple friends. Because I am a single woman, Carol and I did not hang out much outside of work. I was the one person she could confide in regarding this affair she found herself in. As with most new relationships, this affair gave Carol a new sense of being. She felt younger, happier, sexy and I'll admit she enjoyed the game. She talked seriously of leaving her husband, only "Fred" was also married and still had children at home. They decided they would continue on as they were and when Fred's youngest graduated in 2 years they would be together. I felt, as Carol's friend, I could only listen and I truly believed her when she said she wanted to be with Fred.

Fred decided to plan a trip and come visit Carol for the weekend when her husband was going to be out of town for work. They planned a dinner at my house where Fred did the cooking and we drank some wine and had a nice visit. Carol seemed almost school girl in this new found relationship.

Things got messy a few weeks later when Fred's wife called Carol's husband and the secret was out. I found out when I came to work Monday mornnig and had an email from Carol asking me to never contact her again. Not to email, call, visit, no more working out together.. our only contact HAD to be work related. I was devestated. Carol's husband wanted to meet with me and so I did. He wanted me to tell him every last detail of what I knew about the whole affair, and I did.

It's now 10 months later and Carol and I are still not friends. Her husband doesn't want her speaking to me. It's been much like going through a divorce, it hurts terribly that I lost such a dear friend. I understand if she has to choose between me and her husband she will choose him but that doesn't take the loss away.

There is a valuable lesson to be learned here, don't get sucked into other people's drama. From the beginning I guess I should have just said for her to do what she needed to do but to leave me out of it. I guess. I still don't know, I thought I was being a supportive friend.