June and July were down to goodness home-town fun. We did one, fun, long weekend camping trip. My son and I and 3 other couples... it was a lot of fun and great to get down and dirty in the great outdoors.
July I had a HUGE birthday party for myself. I invited probably 30 people and I think everyone showed up, it was an awesome time. My girlfriend came in from CA, her birthday is July as well. In fact, between us and a couple of neighbors July is full of birthdays, we celebrate (drink) the entire month!
It was around this time that a deep, dark, secret I had began to resurface in my mind. I wasn't quite ready to deal with it but I knew at some point I would have to. It was something that I wasn't quite done feeling guilty about, not on purpose, I just misplaced the blame.
On a happy note, things with MM are moving along at a great pace. He sent me a birthday package from David and Harry - very sweet. It was the second package, he sent on in May, a beautiful pyramid of pink boxes full of wonderful treats with a message that said, "to new beginnings." I'm a cancer, I still have the boxes, the ribbon and the note cards from both gifts.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
March, April, May 2010: Springtime
Springtime went by pretty uneventful. In April a girlfriend and I drove to Vegas for another friend's wedding. It as a loooooong drive but a much needed, super fun, alcohol induced time. I am a firm believer that girls need to get away with other girls and unwind every once in awhile. It makes us better wives, mothers, sisters, employees and friends.
There was another interesting development that April, one that, at the time, I had no idea would become such a major part of my life. I became online pen pals with an army buddy of a friend of mine who was deployed in Saudi Arabia. We first chatted via Facebook but soon exchanged email addresses and by the time the end of May rolled aound we had sent literally hundreds of emails to each other. Slowly, through our written words, we had come to know more about each other than anyone else ever knew about us. We seemed to click perfectly and discussed of one day meeting each other. We all know how sometimes perfect online relationships turn disastrous upon meeting and I'm sure we both had that in the backs of our minds, yet all the while holding on to the shred that we might just get along.
There was another interesting development that April, one that, at the time, I had no idea would become such a major part of my life. I became online pen pals with an army buddy of a friend of mine who was deployed in Saudi Arabia. We first chatted via Facebook but soon exchanged email addresses and by the time the end of May rolled aound we had sent literally hundreds of emails to each other. Slowly, through our written words, we had come to know more about each other than anyone else ever knew about us. We seemed to click perfectly and discussed of one day meeting each other. We all know how sometimes perfect online relationships turn disastrous upon meeting and I'm sure we both had that in the backs of our minds, yet all the while holding on to the shred that we might just get along.
Monday, December 13, 2010
February 2010
I ended the relationship with Mr. Wrong and decided to do some serious reflecting on myself and my participation in this never ending cycle of attracting the wrong men. I mean, I didn't plan to spend the month like a chapter in Eat, Pray, Love.. I think by purposely taking a break I could learn to focus on just me.
Instead of focusing on me I got caught up in some drama with a very good friend of mine. Let's call her Carol. Carol has been married for 25 years and has 2 grown children, we work together and have become very close in the past 5 years. Carol, like many of us, joined facebook and began reconnecting with old friends. Well, one of the old friends turned out to be an ex boyfriend from her college days who lived in another state. She described him as "the one true love that got away." They began an online, emotional affair. Carol and her husband are fairly religious as are most of their couple friends. Because I am a single woman, Carol and I did not hang out much outside of work. I was the one person she could confide in regarding this affair she found herself in. As with most new relationships, this affair gave Carol a new sense of being. She felt younger, happier, sexy and I'll admit she enjoyed the game. She talked seriously of leaving her husband, only "Fred" was also married and still had children at home. They decided they would continue on as they were and when Fred's youngest graduated in 2 years they would be together. I felt, as Carol's friend, I could only listen and I truly believed her when she said she wanted to be with Fred.
Fred decided to plan a trip and come visit Carol for the weekend when her husband was going to be out of town for work. They planned a dinner at my house where Fred did the cooking and we drank some wine and had a nice visit. Carol seemed almost school girl in this new found relationship.
Things got messy a few weeks later when Fred's wife called Carol's husband and the secret was out. I found out when I came to work Monday mornnig and had an email from Carol asking me to never contact her again. Not to email, call, visit, no more working out together.. our only contact HAD to be work related. I was devestated. Carol's husband wanted to meet with me and so I did. He wanted me to tell him every last detail of what I knew about the whole affair, and I did.
It's now 10 months later and Carol and I are still not friends. Her husband doesn't want her speaking to me. It's been much like going through a divorce, it hurts terribly that I lost such a dear friend. I understand if she has to choose between me and her husband she will choose him but that doesn't take the loss away.
There is a valuable lesson to be learned here, don't get sucked into other people's drama. From the beginning I guess I should have just said for her to do what she needed to do but to leave me out of it. I guess. I still don't know, I thought I was being a supportive friend.
Instead of focusing on me I got caught up in some drama with a very good friend of mine. Let's call her Carol. Carol has been married for 25 years and has 2 grown children, we work together and have become very close in the past 5 years. Carol, like many of us, joined facebook and began reconnecting with old friends. Well, one of the old friends turned out to be an ex boyfriend from her college days who lived in another state. She described him as "the one true love that got away." They began an online, emotional affair. Carol and her husband are fairly religious as are most of their couple friends. Because I am a single woman, Carol and I did not hang out much outside of work. I was the one person she could confide in regarding this affair she found herself in. As with most new relationships, this affair gave Carol a new sense of being. She felt younger, happier, sexy and I'll admit she enjoyed the game. She talked seriously of leaving her husband, only "Fred" was also married and still had children at home. They decided they would continue on as they were and when Fred's youngest graduated in 2 years they would be together. I felt, as Carol's friend, I could only listen and I truly believed her when she said she wanted to be with Fred.
Fred decided to plan a trip and come visit Carol for the weekend when her husband was going to be out of town for work. They planned a dinner at my house where Fred did the cooking and we drank some wine and had a nice visit. Carol seemed almost school girl in this new found relationship.
Things got messy a few weeks later when Fred's wife called Carol's husband and the secret was out. I found out when I came to work Monday mornnig and had an email from Carol asking me to never contact her again. Not to email, call, visit, no more working out together.. our only contact HAD to be work related. I was devestated. Carol's husband wanted to meet with me and so I did. He wanted me to tell him every last detail of what I knew about the whole affair, and I did.
It's now 10 months later and Carol and I are still not friends. Her husband doesn't want her speaking to me. It's been much like going through a divorce, it hurts terribly that I lost such a dear friend. I understand if she has to choose between me and her husband she will choose him but that doesn't take the loss away.
There is a valuable lesson to be learned here, don't get sucked into other people's drama. From the beginning I guess I should have just said for her to do what she needed to do but to leave me out of it. I guess. I still don't know, I thought I was being a supportive friend.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Reflection of 2010
As the new year comes to a close I find myself relfecting on the past year. The good, the bad, the changes I've made, the new and old friends I've come across, the people I lost and the people I found. Each year I find myself just a tiny bit more confident and secure, finally comfortable with who I am. Acceptance, ah.. it's a great feeling. I'm still struggling with tummy bulge, the wrinkles under my eyes, and the lost elasticity in my skin, but other than that, I really am ok.
Lets go back to the beginning...
January 2010 - I had found romance.. this is not new to me, I find romance quite often, it just usually turns out to be a frog in a suit of armour. Each time I wonder if this one will be different, if he will be Mr. Right. Yet I think in my mind I know I'm not at the right place in my life to accept Mr. Right, I still have some work to do. This relationship lasts til Mid February.. when he tells me he loves me and attempts to force the words out of my I clam up and back off. I know it is over.
Reflecting back on this relationship, it never had a chance. I was fluttering about, lost in lust, trying to make a square piece fit into a circle. Jumping over red flags like they were dandelions in the back yard. I decided to take a break and try to figure out what it was I really wanted.
Lets go back to the beginning...
January 2010 - I had found romance.. this is not new to me, I find romance quite often, it just usually turns out to be a frog in a suit of armour. Each time I wonder if this one will be different, if he will be Mr. Right. Yet I think in my mind I know I'm not at the right place in my life to accept Mr. Right, I still have some work to do. This relationship lasts til Mid February.. when he tells me he loves me and attempts to force the words out of my I clam up and back off. I know it is over.
Reflecting back on this relationship, it never had a chance. I was fluttering about, lost in lust, trying to make a square piece fit into a circle. Jumping over red flags like they were dandelions in the back yard. I decided to take a break and try to figure out what it was I really wanted.
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